Friday, April 20, 2007

"Merlin, I swallowed a BUG!"

ACK! I was riding home on my bike when I swallowed a bug! It flew into my mouth, hit the back of my throat (causing what I was sure was an impact crater) and, since there was nothing left to do, I swallowed. I swallowed a BUG! I was SO GROSSED OUT! I hate bugs. I really do.

I called my Mom, “Mom, I swallowed a bug!”

“What kind was it?”

“I don’t know, but I hope it was really small.”

I was still freaked out and in need of some kind of comfort. I drank some water, hoping that would help, but it most certainly did not. I dialed the phone…got a machine…

“Kylie and Ted! I swallowed a bug! I am so grossed out! I’m coming over, I’ll be there in a bit…but I swallowed a bug!”

Is there no one to comfort me? I dialed a third time.

“Will, I swallowed a bug!” There was more ranting, but I also got his machine and I needed help in person.

I drove to Daniel’s to pick him up to take him over to dinner. I told him, “Daniel, I was riding my bike and I swallowed a bug!” There was a smile. “I think I’m going to die from some bug ridden disease! That way, when I’m dead in the morning and the police contact you trying to figure out what happened, you can tell them I swallowed a bug.”

“There’s always a chain of events.”

“Yes, there is. And I’m going to die from swallowing a bug.”

Well, here I am, in bed, waiting for my death scene. And no one even hugged me after swallowing a bug. I will die with a bug in my belly and no hugs in my arms.

I swallowed a BUG!

P.S. I am sorry bug, I didn’t mean to cause your untimely death, but, since I’m going to die tonight from swallowing you, you have caused my untimely death. Ah, the circle of life in action.


BigBird said...

I tried to be helpful and convince Maaike that after the bug hit the back of her throat, it immediately flew back out. That she really only swallowed a wing or perhaps one of its legs. But she didn't think that I was being very supportive. Especially after I had told her that the bug was doing the Macarena in her stomach after she ate a spicy jalepeno. OHO! lava you, Toto!

sally said...

I remember watching Hearts of Darkness, the documentary about the making of Apocalypse Now. It includes some really great outtakes. There's a scene where Marlon Brando is ranting evilly in the dark, and suddenly, he makes this face like he's channeling something awful or switching personalities or something. It's truly creepy. And then he says, in a strangled tone, "I just swallowed a bug."

So you're not alone, Maaike. You have something in common with Marlon Brando. I think that may mean you're famous.

LostSoul said...

my favorite part of your bug that your mom.....wait...I gotta stop that your mom only said "What kind of bug was it?"
AS IF, that would have made a difference. OH MY GOSH! Soooo funny.