Thursday, February 18, 2010
Here’s what my mind thinks when I’m in love:
How much weight do I need to lose? If only I were a couple inches shorter! What if I have bad breath? It’s because of all my sinus problems. What if he thinks I'm a hypochondriac? What if he wants me to go to an event that I really hate? What if I hate his family? What if he hates my family? Maybe I should grow my hair out…maybe I should cut it. Dye it different colors. Am I asking too much of him? Does he want more of my time? Will he be upset if I ask for my own time and space? What if he isn't strong enough to help me with my depression? What if he thinks depression is something I can "snap out" of? Etc, etc.
Here’s what my mind thinks when I’m not in love:
Mmmm…I really love Dr. Pepper.
Besides all of that, I also get very jealous because I’ve never been in a relationship where I was secure in what the guy was feeling for me. He’d have to be very careful and never make me jealous on purpose. For example…I’ve been “over” my friend for a while but every time he mentions going on a date I still have a little pang of hurt run through me. I don’t like it. Neither does he.
So, it is true. I don’t like love anymore. Love never works. Like is good enough for me.