Saturday, April 07, 2007

Clean Floors and Corn Chips

I wanted to sleep last night. I wanted to sleep so badly. But I couldn’t. My brain just wouldn’t stop and the space in my chest where my heart was just hours before was aching so painfully I thought my ribs were collapsing.

Trying to make myself tired I ended up wandering my apartment at 2:00 am. I thought about trying my “running for my life” idea…but the truth is if you’re a woman and you’re going to run for your life, you’re going to want a good bra. And since it was 2:00 am and what I really wanted to do was sleep, there was no way I was going to put my bra back on.

So, I did some crying and wandering and then I went back to bed. I woke up at 8:30, took a shower, called Kylie and cried to her. I’ve known Kylie for six years-ish, and this is the first time I’ve cried to her. I think. I don’t cry…a lot. But this really hurt.

When I was walking to the post office this morning, I had my sunglasses on and I was walking really fast and crying. I guess one thing was good: I got some exercise. In the mail I got a package from a girl named Erin in Florida. She sent me some Easter goodies and a story about her adventure trying to bake a cake—which was SO much like many of my baking stories that I was LAUGHING out loud! (It was strange to sit there and think how a stranger saved me today. I’m going to write back to her. I think she’s my newest friend.) I also heard from my friend Erin in Seattle. Which was great, and slightly ironic.

In my attempts today to make sense of the nonsense I decided to clean my bathroom floor. I’d rearrange my apartment (like a certain friend of mine does when she’s having life issues: wink, wink!) but there really isn’t anywhere to put things. So, I was cleaning my floor when it dawned on me that I needed some corn chips.

It’s good to know that my mind could find something so mundane in the swirling eddy.


BigBird said...

careful with that rearranging furniture stuff...I've heard that you could throw your back out...
Of course I am your support system! I love you and would do anything for you. I just feel bad that I wasn't here for you.
But I am here now!
Lava you!

BigBird said...

...and now I know why you needed those corn chips...crunch crunch