Today I was writing a letter to my friend Daniel in England. Well, it was a bit ambitious of me to actually write a letter and not type it because writing takes FOREVER. At the end of the letter I abandoned prose and turned to art. I drew him stick figures to show him what I dreamt last night. After I drew them I realized two things: 1) it was a CRAZY-ass dream and 2) it was typical of all my dreams. Here’s what happened:
I was in a fabric store. It was closed and dark. It was filled with small children and the baddie: a girl who was thin and blond (that can be explained by the fact that I decided to write a play called “I killed all the little girls” about a big girl who kills off all the petite women because she’s sick of them bitching about being petite. And it's further explained by the facts that I don’t like blonds…or, really, a lot of women). I managed to load up all the kids into a yellow raft suspended to the ceiling and lit by glowing green lights. To set them free I had to run a gauntlet through the fabric store while the baddie lobbed cannon balls at me. I tried to get some sleep before the madness began but the baddie sneaked up to where I was sleeping and put a coffee can there so she could mark where to start. Now, I had to plan this perfectly. I couldn't run the gauntlet too fast as it could put the children in danger, and I could also not run it too slowly as the portal to safety wouldn't open. I had to do math to figure out where to really start running. (This is probably explained by the fact that I wanted to start practicing “running for my life.” If you want THAT explained you’d have to ask me directly).
Math is not my strong suit...especially if I'm asleep. I guess my mind couldn’t handle it either, because I then dressed up as a pirate (a la Jack Sparrow in “Pirates of the Caribbean”) and went to the record store. As I was standing in line, two vampires were really bothering me. For some reason they really didn’t like pirates…and I didn’t have anything against them, but they just weren’t treating me nicely. I guess that’s vampires for you…never thinking they have to explain anything. So, my brain put me back into the fabric store.
The baddie was distracted (probably watching herself in a mirror) so I, dressed as a pirate, wandered the store and found a bunch of discarded furniture. That’s blonds for you, they always get whatever they want so they don’t need to treat anything with care. Then I suddenly realized that I’d dreamt this before and had already saved the children so what was the point in doing it again.
The dream then took me to a magic show. I walked in to the room and it was set up for a buffet. They gave me a plate and told me to help myself. The room was empty except for one table with two guys sitting at it. I made myself a plate and asked the guys if I could join them. They said yes and we had a wonderful time conversing. As we talked, more and more people came in and suddenly I caught a glimpse of a sign that read: “magic show and dinner $7.00”. Well, I didn’t pay for it but everyone thought I did. I was really feeling guilty and didn’t know what to do. Should I pay? Did I have money? All of that stuff… Then the good looking guy I was sitting with said, “I am really busy, but I’m going to give you my phone number because I like you and I’d like to get to know you better. My number is *28.” I don’t know what star 28 means, as far as phone numbers go, but maybe he programmed my phone for speed dial. I don’t know. But he got up and started to perform. Turned out, he was the star of the show. Then I felt really badly that I hadn’t paid the seven bucks.
I woke up after that. My dreams are weird. They're often like that. But, it was nice to have some guy think I was pretty enough that he wanted to be with me. I wonder who I’ll get if I dial *28?