I was looking around my apartment thinking of my stuffed animals that surround me. Galloomph sits on a chair with his stuffed animal (who’s name I don’t know…Galoomph doesn’t talk). There’s Eddie-Phil (my teddy-bear with multiple personality disorder—who talks all the time) sitting on my bed.
There are my three art-piece women: Petey, Emily, and Natalie…(Full titles: Petey’s Body Issues, Emily Gets the Blues, and Natalie’s Weirder Qualities.) Persimmon, Jonty, Cheer Bear and a myriad of unnamed stuffed animals on my bookshelves. The string of dead things in the corner—“Unnamed Dead Things” –I think that title is going to come into play in my near future. Six unnamed monkeys…and Jaques-o-sock-o my French sock monkey.
My plant in the Alien head pot that sits on top of the fridge is named “Ed the Head.” He is often left in charge when I’m gone because he can see everything from up there. (I’m worried that the plant is on its last legs…if it dies, what will Kylie think of me!)
There’s my car named A.J. (short for “A.J. Crowley’s Burning Bentley”), my bike, Madeline, and we can’t forget my computer who’s named Chesterfield Snapdragon McFisticuffs.
And now, there’s Jack. My skateboard. His name is Jack because he has skeletons on his wheels. If you don’t get it…then you’ll have to just wonder. He has pink hardware, but he’s secure enough in his manhood to know that it doesn’t mean anything. He has Pig risers and ATM “Fast as Hell” bearings. He’s SWEET! Sure, he’s a hand-me-down from Mouse, but he’s sweet as hell. Actually, both Jack and Mouse are. (Sweet as hell, not hand-me-downs.)
So everyone, say hello to Jack! And when the other animals around me tell me their names, I’ll introduce to you them as well.