Sunday, September 16, 2007

I Think I Figured It Out

This is a follow up to my post on the 14th.

I think I figured out what it means. I think.

The man who said he was Love was standing on the periphery and I was in my own space. First of all, he got in to my studio because I do want him there--I want Love there. I want to feel Love. I want to feel it until it overwhelms me and drowns me and I'll never come up for air.

anyway, he was standing at the edge because I wouldn't let him come further. I made that choice when I saw the "intruder" in my studio. I thought well, he might have gotten that far but he won't make it in any more.

I ignored him. I ignored Love. To the point that he finally had to speak to me to make me pay attention.

He spoke the truth. Total truth. Every word he said.

And I shouted at him and made him go away.

I want Love. But I'm so afraid of it.

I won't even take friend's love into my heart because I know, I KNOW, that they will move on and not even think about me again. Don't get me wrong, there are certain loves that I trust...My Daddy, My Mom, My family, My Kylie. But there are others that I just can't take in. No, that's not right...that's not True...there are others that I won't take in. Because I'm afraid.

It's sad. But I'm happy that my subconscious mind was willing to talk to my conscious.

Today I'm going back into my studio. I'm going to wait for Love to show up. And I'm going to see what happens when I invite him in.

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