On Sunday I dressed to the nines! I wore girly clothes and did my hair and make up paying special attention to all parts. I was gorgeous! But the feeling didn't last long. I got to church and was paid some nice compliments by other women.
Now, many of you know my issues with trusting the motives of other women, so other than Alrene Miller I had a hard time believing any of their words. No men said I looked pretty. Not even my closest friends.
I just doesn't work out for me to try to be more than I am.
On Tuesday I dressed up again... more in line with the "real" me. I wore black leggings, a black, red and white skirt, my "Juniper" t-shirt from Daniel's zine and of course, my black Rocket Dog shoes. I felt beautiful again...but because I was me and not trying to be beautiful. Some people said I looked "cute" that's an easier compliment to take.
Anyway, in acting class, it was Delaney's turn to be blindfolded. The instructions were given, "How can you get to know your partner without using touch?" and the most amazing thing happened. I sat on the floor with my feet extended and crossed in front of me and my hands behind me to give me balance...and Delaney began moving around me... he smelled my hair. He leaned his ear near my chest to hear my heart beat and my lungs breathe. He moved all around me not touching me, but caressing me with his breath as he moved so close. So close. I knew I smelled like peaches because it was my first class of the day and my perfume hadn't had time to wear off.
Here's me sitting, wanting with all my heart to be loved. And there's Delaney who has his wife and his son. I thought for a moment to myself--this is the most beautiful I have ever felt.
Delaney was blindfolded. My beauty as the world sees it was not what was in focus that moment in class. It was ME. It was a connection on a level that involved all of the senses.
On Tuesday in sneakers and a t-shirt, I was beautiful.