Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Being Beautiful...Being Vulnerable

On Sunday I dressed to the nines! I wore girly clothes and did my hair and make up paying special attention to all parts. I was gorgeous! But the feeling didn't last long. I got to church and was paid some nice compliments by other women.

Now, many of you know my issues with trusting the motives of other women, so other than Alrene Miller I had a hard time believing any of their words. No men said I looked pretty. Not even my closest friends.

I just doesn't work out for me to try to be more than I am.

Wait...there's more...

On Tuesday I dressed up again... more in line with the "real" me. I wore black leggings, a black, red and white skirt, my "Juniper" t-shirt from Daniel's zine and of course, my black Rocket Dog shoes. I felt beautiful again...but because I was me and not trying to be beautiful. Some people said I looked "cute" that's an easier compliment to take.

Anyway, in acting class, it was Delaney's turn to be blindfolded. The instructions were given, "How can you get to know your partner without using touch?" and the most amazing thing happened. I sat on the floor with my feet extended and crossed in front of me and my hands behind me to give me balance...and Delaney began moving around me... he smelled my hair. He leaned his ear near my chest to hear my heart beat and my lungs breathe. He moved all around me not touching me, but caressing me with his breath as he moved so close. So close. I knew I smelled like peaches because it was my first class of the day and my perfume hadn't had time to wear off.

Here's me sitting, wanting with all my heart to be loved. And there's Delaney who has his wife and his son. I thought for a moment to myself--this is the most beautiful I have ever felt.

Delaney was blindfolded. My beauty as the world sees it was not what was in focus that moment in class. It was ME. It was a connection on a level that involved all of the senses.

On Tuesday in sneakers and a t-shirt, I was beautiful.


Katie said...

Trouble trusting GIRLS' intentions when they tell you you're pretty?? Well, at least most of them aren't complimenting you just to try to get in your pants (or skirt). *wink* ;)

Maaike said...

Spoken like a true, petite and beautiful woman who is used to getting pursued by men. Oh Katie, our worlds are so, so different! :D!

BigBird said...

Oh my beautiful dear friend. How I wish that you could feel that way every day. I hope you know that I think you are beautiful always. Whether you are wearing girl clothes and makeup (not really the true Maaike) or all sweaty with your hair pulled back and wearing pajamas. (Just as long as you are wearing pants!)

I'm glad you felt beautiful that day. I hope and pray that you have oh so many more days like that because you deserve them and ever so much more.

I love you SO much, TOTO!