Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Dear Katie--undated, Spring 2005

Hi Katie,

How are you? I’m doing pretty good. I’m getting ready to head home for a couple of months, but I’ll have my cell with me and I’ll still be using my same email, so let me know about the road trip.

Jeff Beck called me the other day to tell me that he was witty. Yes, it’s true, he is witty, but what he called about I had actually written. But, it was about Jeff, so I guess that makes it his. He’s fun guy.

And that reminds me of a joke:
A mushroom walks in to a bar and sits down on a stool. The bartender turns to him and says, “Hey, we don’t serve your kind here.” The mushroom looks at him and asks, “Why not? I’m a fungi?”

You know, I think I’ve found someone to obsess over so that I can forget John. Yep...I found a blue-eyed VAMPIRE!! I’m still on the “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” kick but now, instead of being all gaga over Angel, I’m falling for Spike. It’s great. I went from Vampire to human back to Vampire. I guess it’s true...I am totally insane. But at least the various photos of James Marsters as Spike can hang on my wall and help me not to think about Mr. Cheese.

Joe called me at 9:30 this morning to make sure that I was up and getting ready for church. He just wanted me to go, not that he was going. Silly man. Oh well. I went, it was ok, and I think I actually learned something. It was good.

I’m dreadfully bored. I feel like doing something...but I don’t know what to do. I’ve watched some TV, took a nap and did a wee bit of packing. I should go for a walk or something...I just don’t like sunshine. Which is helpful in the being-in-love-with-vampires part of my pseudo-existence.

Christina and I had this conversation:

Christina: I cleaned up my workstation today and moved all my crap to the new workstation (apparently cubicle is not PC). I had 4 calendars and 2 day planners on or in my desk. That's 6 calendars, only 1 of which I use with any regularity. Oh dear.

Me: Should I sponsor an intervention?

Christina: I think so. I might be genetically susceptible to calendar abuse.

Me: Are the calendar the abusers or the abusees?

Christina: That's a good question. I had a hard time figuring out how to type that last sentence. Maybe calendarism is a better term? Either way, the calendars are the abusers because I certainly can't help myself.
Me: Well then, I'll just have to step in. To tell the truth, I'm suffering separation anxiety from my watch. I quit wearing it when it went bonkers so I don’t know what time it is...if we could just find the happy medium in our collective date/time obsessions!

In Walmart the other day there was a little old lady in a wheel chair. Well, I assumed it was a little old lady...there were legs, skinny arms, a tuft of white hair and an lap full of flowers. It was hilarious...this little old man pushing around a wheelchair filled with appeared to be his wife and all the fake flowers from the craft section of the Walmart. She couldn’t see where she was going so she was totally trusting that her husband was driving her someplace pleasant. Now THAT’S love!!
Here’s one of my horoscopes that actually makes some sense:
When you're involved, you're involved. There's no two ways about it, and no talking to you once your heart has arrived at a decision. Mention that immediately to anyone who tries to talk some sense into you now.

Poor John. Poor any guy who has had to deal with me on any level. I’m a crazy, mixed-up bundle of expressible emotions just looking for a way out.

Speaking of looking for a way out:
Almost nightly I have a dream in which I have to save the entire universe. Well, ok, not universe per se, but at least the Earth. I don’t know why it’s up to me all of the time, but I thought you might be interested in the some of the ways I was called on to save the Earth and the things that were the key elements in doing so:

• One slice of red apple, two of green–these had to be rubbed on the cheeks of people to keep them from getting their minds controlled by the baddies
• A golden bowling ball–which had to be thrown into the belly of a man made of peach Jell-O (he wore tan pants with brown suspenders).
• Brian Passey–he had to decide between good and evil...if he chose good we’d all live, if he chose evil we’d all die. I had to keep the world in balance until he could be found.
• A cardboard car with no steering wheel–which I drove with my boyfriend; David Duchovny.

Who knows what goes on inside my brain. I sure don’t!


No comments: