Sunday, May 14, 2006

Dear Jade--September 17, 2003

Dear Jade, September 17, 2003

Hello! Thanks for your letter. It’s always fun to hear from you. How’re you getting along with your cockroach bed-buddy? It sounds as if you’re definitely the flavor of the month. I, too, have a bed-buddy. He’s this cute brown teddy bear who wears an orange sweater. I think he suffers from multiple personality disorder because I named him “Edison” with the nickname of Eddie, but on occasion, I call him Phil. I don’t know why. The only thing I can think of is that he has M.P. Disorder and projects the name “Phil” into my brain when he’s the dominant personality. Or maybe “Phil” is an anagram for Eddie and I just don’t know how to spell.

So, what does New Jersey smell like? The south of France smells like wet concrete and cigarettes. Seriously, if it’s raining and I walk past someone who’s smoking I feel like I’m back in France. Moscow still smells like cows–not just any cows, but holey cows. Especially if you’re at Winco or Walmart and the wind is blowing just right.

I wrote this little note to my friend Amy and I think I’ll share it with you, too:

Irony continues to play a major role in my life...

Remember when I liked a guy called Matt? Well, he told me that he likes a girl called Emily. Tonight I was trying to sleep, feeling sorry for myself because Matt chose Emily and Stephen chose Leah and NO ONE chose ME, when all of a sudden the phone rang. I stumbled around in the dark and found the receiver...

“Hello, Maaike? This is Matt.”


“Will you do me a favor? I’ve been trying to call my roommates to do this for me, but the line’s busy.”

“Sure, no problem.”

“I’m trying to ask Emily out on a date, will you tell me her phone number?”

I kid you NOT.

Amy just laughed. She’s been my friend so long that she realizes that I have NO control over my life. Kind of like how when I liked Brian Passey (or as I like to refer to him; B.P. because it sounds exactly like Beepie!) And I ended up living with YOU! Ack. According to the lines in my palm, Fate is in control of my life and it seems that Irony is its best friend! When will the crying stop? When, I ask you! When? Then Fate laughs and tells me to go eat an Oreo. Mmm. Chocolate.

So, I still get nervous when I talk to B.P. Isn’t that silly. I don’t know why. I can’t help myself. It’s like in “You’ve Got Mail” when Meg Ryan asks Greg Kinnear if the girl he’s dating is a Republican and he just says, “I...can’t help myself.” That’s what I feel like around B.P. If I were 18 I’d allow myself some leeway, but I’m NOT 18 so I should behave like an adult. Only problem is that this is the FIRST time in my ENTIRE life that I’ve been and adult and I just don’t know how to do it.

So I guess that means that a part of me still has a crush on him and then I get SO ANGRY because Matt is 6'4" and he wants to date Emily who is 5'4"ish and she’s short enough to easily date BP but I’m too tall–but Matt doesn’t want to date me and neither does BP. Ack and double ack!!

I often wonder what’s wrong with me...that guys don’t want to date me. My friend Daniel Roots, told me once, “Maaike, men are intimidated by beautiful women and you’re just going to have to deal with that all of your life.” Part of me thinks, well, what does he know. Then another part of me thinks, well, he does love me and that means I must have SOMETHING beautiful about me. Then the third part of me thinks that Pralines and Cream is a better ice cream flavor than Rocky Road and ice cream really does solve a lot of problems in the universe. Then the first part pipes up and says that BP is fond of potato rolls and the second part says “We weren’t talking about BP” and the third part says, “I wonder if Phil likes ice cream” and then the first part says, “His name is Eddie and we were talking about ME!” and then they start fighting and my body makes weird noises that haven’t been explained to me yet because I’m still on lesson one.

Hey, guess what. I was walking on campus today, looking absolutely SMASHING and I saw this guy look me up and down and then he smiled at me. AND he was CUTE! He was wearing a red sweater and blue jeans and glasses and had spiky hair. He was cute...and it made me feel good. Ah, the simple pleasures life holds.

I filled out my graduation application. I thought it was funny that I had to fill out a graduating senior survey when I was only in the first couple of weeks of being a graduation senior. Oh well, I just pretended like I knew what I was saying and figured they’d just have to trust me.

I suppose I’d better stop there. Especially since I am making no sense. Oh, I’ve just been made the Teacher Development Coordinator...or something like that. The exact title eludes me, as do so many other things in co-signs and tangents. Actually I have to say that trigonometry eludes me completely. CRAP...I just realized after we get done with biology lessons in the University That Teaches Us To Create An Earth there is probably MATH and PHYSICS to go through! Man, no wonder they call it ETERNITY!

OK, I’ll go for now. Have a GREAT day!

Maaike, Eddie-Phil and various other players.


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