Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Dear Katie--middle of May 2005

Hi Katie,
How are you? It was fun seeing you for a bit...sorry we didn’t get to hang out much. These last three weeks have been particularly draining on an emotional level...and since I’m a Scorpio and life is all emotions, it wore me out physically as well.
It was fun to hear your adventures...although I’m greatly jealous.
I sent and email to Jeff Beck about how I had written off Mr. Cheese...but I’m still sad about it. I want some kind of acknowledgment from him. Just him saying that he realizes he was being a jackass and although we probably won’t be friends again, at least he was glad he got the chance to know me. Something. But I’ve heard nothing. Which might be a good thing anyway. Here’s what he wrote back:
You have more friends than most people I know. You are not doing anything wrong, so just keep being you and by-and-by you will make another male friend, and he won't remind you of provolone, Muenster, cottage, string, cheddar, Swiss, Colby, longhorn, Velveeta, nacho, Gouda, mozzarella, American, blue, Monterey jack, pepper jack, Limburger, or especially, crumbly goat cheese.

That Jeff sure has a way with words...doesn’t he.

Testing Center Blues
I’m so bored. Just sitting here watching people take tests. I played a couple of games of Literati with Elizabeth, chatted to Ryan, Diana, Christina and Jeff Beck. I was going to work on some transcriptions, but it’s been steady enough that the noise of the machine would bother the students...so, that’s not getting done. I have a book to read that Kylie gave me, maybe I’ll do that for a bit.

No Matter Who You Are...
Yesterday Joe watched a couple of episodes of “Buffy the Vampire Slayer” with me. They were really good ones and in fact, the one set of creatures were REALLY frightening so I was glad that I watched it with someone. Anyway, last night I dreamt that some scary creatures were chasing me around, but I was rescued by Angel...and I don’t care who you are, THAT’S A GOOD DREAM!

One Big Difference
I love how your letters are full of the dates you actually went on and the men who are actually madly in love with you, and my letters are full of the stuff I did with my pretend boyfriend. Not saying that Joe doesn’t exist, but I would like to try life on your side of the tracks for once. There is a quote from Saul Bellow’s book “Henderson The Rain King” that I always think of when I’m in this kind of mood; “My body! My body! Why have we two never gotten together as friends?” You know, it’s been my experience that the tall guys and the small guys all go for the small girls leaving big girls like me to fend for ourselves. I hate being this tall. What’s the sense in it? I don’t like basketball.

In all honesty I have to say that I’m jealous of the attention you get. In fact, it surprises me that I can be such good friends with such a tiny, beautiful woman. Normally I’d just sit in the back ground, hating you and wishing your hair would all to fall out.

“Respect My Authoritay!” (South Park quote courtesy of Caleb Twitchell)
There was this big (BIG) football player who came in to the lab to take his test. I told him that he had to leave his stuff at the front, turn off his cell phone and leave it in his bag. He said that he was expecting a phone call from his mom. And I said that he can’t use his phone during a test. The room was fairly crowded and I was also chatting on-line to Elizabeth just down the hall so I wasn’t too nervous...at the beginning.

After a couple of minutes his phone rang. He said, “Can I get that?” I told him no. He said “It might be important.”

“They can leave a message, you’re in the middle of a final.”

“Stupid Teaching Assistant....(mumble, mumble, mumble)...” he said.

“Do you want me to have someone come down here and explain it to you?” I said. Then, I typed a message to Elizabeth to go have Sherril come down to the testing room. Sherril showed up and I showed her who it was.

“He knows he can’t take a call during a test.” she said to him. We chatted for a second and then I went back to my desk. I sent an email to Elizabeth to come join me in the testing room because I was a bit scared and Elizabeth is a lot feisty.

After a while his friend who got the new version of the test the football players had the answers to was flabbergasted to find out that he got a 25% on a test that he’d memorized the answers for. Hehehe! That guy left and was not too happy. Then I look over to the scary football player and he has a small scrap of paper that he’s reading–he set it on top of his test. I walked over to him and he tried to hide it inside the test.

“I need that piece of paper you have.” I said. He handed it to me. I looked at it and then said, “I need to take these, too,” and picked up his test and bubble sheet, “and you need to come with me to the office.”

We started walking down the hall and he said, “Can’t you just give me an F and not turn me in?”


We got to Sherril’s office and he said the same thing to her. She said, “Nope. I’ll turn it all over to Louis Perraud.” The guy was pissed.

When he left, I took his cheating friend’s test to Sherril and his friend had used that same cheat sheet on his test–without knowing that we’d redone the test. She’s giving it all to Louis.

The story continues. The guy called the registrar’s office and told them that he wanted to withdraw from the class because “he didn’t have time for it”. Well, the dumb ass didn’t know that to withdraw from a class the registrar’s office has to check with the department to make sure the guy’s been doing the work in the first place.

Sherril started laughing and said, “All he’s done so far is get caught cheating on the final...but he probably didn’t tell you that part, did he.”

I’m terribly curious as to what will happen. He’s a football player, so probably nothing because even though they can’t win a game to save their lives, the administration bends over and takes it because they think the dumb jocks are worth it. I hope that he gets kicked out or loses his scholarship or something that will be an example to the other football players. But the truth remains that none of us believe that anything much will happen to him.

Responses to my email:

After this happened I sent an email to the men on my address list (saying how much I wish one of them had been here to “protect” me). Here are the responses I got:

I'll kick his butt, just point me to him. You don’t deserve that. Where is he?? Casey "the Killa" Dean

Maaike, what did you do? Take his test away? Was it the final exam? Give a few details here!!! Ich bin gespannt (I am very interested!) David Ambrosek

Let me know who he is and I’ll send him a "virtual" threat if he attempts to do anything. In reality, I'm glad you had the guts to stand up to him. If he does anything to you, I'll kill him. Robert Palica
If I was there I would not have allowed the cheater to intimidate you. Sorry to hear about this. I have learned the hard way that shitty students tend to give there teachers the most shit.
Jeff Beck (who knows his shit)
Well, Katie I guess that is all from me this week. I hope you have a GREAT day and I’m really looking forward to our road trip this summer. It will be a blast!

Love ya!

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