Monday, May 15, 2006

Dear Jade--February 13, 2004

Dear Jade, (Friday) February 13, 2004

Hi! How are you? I’m going slowly, quietly insane. But at least I’m not taking anyone with me on this trip. It’s a journey all my own!

I’ve discovered that I’m turning into a cliché. Isn’t that sad. It’s true, however, regardless of the sadness. I’m turning into the Creative Person with a therapist. I’m turning into the Creative Person taking Fluoxetine and seeing a therapist. I’m turning into the Creative Person purposely making my clothes not match while taking Fluoxetine and seeing a therapist. I’m no longer the individual you thought I was…I’m just like every other Creative Writer! I can’t be a cliché! I’m too young to be a cliché! Oh well. At least I’ve made a positive discovery: When writing on yourself with Sharpie Marker, use colors because they WASH OFF whereas black has to be WORN OFF. That’s a BIG difference! Believe me, my stomach still reads “I know something you don’t” despite the washing and scrubbing. AND you don’t want to know what my calf says!! (Just to put it into context it was when I was having a VERY bad day.)

What does it mean when the best Valentine present you received was from a dog? Not dog in the sense of an unattractive person, but dog in the canine sense. Yes, I got a very lovely Valentine from Moki, Brian and Michelle’s wiener dog. Granted, I’m her favorite aunt. In fact, so favorite that I’m often called Moka at Brian and Michelle’s house. (A combination of Maaike and Moki.) Moki, (by way of Michelle) sent me a very nice mug with a teddy bear in it accompanied by REAL chocolate (the kind NOT made in the USA). I guess I can say in all honesty is that Moki has good taste. I’ll have to pay more attention to Moki…maybe even let her lick me once or twice instead of cringing. Poor misdirected Moki. You think she’d love someone who let her lick them.

Every time I get my writing critiqued it comes back to me with this: The narrator is very naïve and childlike. Well, there you go. I just don’t have enough life experiences. I think I need to join the Hell’s Angles, get a tattoo and drive out into the sunset. I don’t know how to NOT make my narrators sound naïve and childlike. I guess I should focus on writing children’s books!!

You know, some things just sound better with an accent. Even clichés sound better with accents. For example when an American person says something, it sounds very dull, even harsh, but when, for further example, a Spaniard says the clichéd line: “Will you say something?” it doesn’t sound nearly as silly. Ah the power of accents. I must move somewhere when I HAVE the accent. Say, Glasgow. Where they have a one-year masters degree for Creative Writing. Mmm…that would be tasty!

I think my last letter talked a bit about bums. The theme of this one seems to be clichés. We’ll stick with that then. Maybe all my letters should have a theme. Maybe they do and I’m just not looking close enough. Maybe I’m looking too closely. Maybe I should just take another pill and move on.

Hey…Irony…guess what the name of my therapist is. Brian. Can you handle that?! I don’t think I can. He gave me his card and said, “here’s my card, just in case you forget my name.” I told him that would be quite impossible. Maybe I should just change my middle name to Irony and call it good. Most people think I’m saying Theo instead of Theil (the spell checker tells me that thrill is a good spelling suggestion for Theil. Maaike Thrill Davidson.).

I’ve been spending time flirting (when I’m not flirting with Pablo) with Inigo. Today, however, I found out that my flirting tactics are going to have to change DRASTICALLY because Inigo is married! HELLO! Earth to Maaike! Have you NOT been paying attention? I promise I didn’t see a ring. I don’t think he wears one. It should be a law. If you’re married, you MUST wear a ring to save singletons the embarrassment of flirting with married people. Some people may not care with whom they’re flirting, but it makes a difference to ME! Curse you Inigo! (Prepare to die). HEHEHE!! Sometimes I make me laugh!

I always type “laught” I don’t know why.

I just don’t know what to do with myself. It comes to this, Jade…I like men. I really do. I just can’t find one who likes me back. OR if he does he has really bad timing. Right now I (only nine months until my “give up hope and buy a cat” birthday) think I’m destined to be in love with Billy Boyd only. HEHEHE…a funny thing; Ryan Slaugh was helping me with my computer and he needed a password into a certain section of it. I’ll give you just one guess what it is!

I don’t know if I told you this or not, but a palm reader once told me that I have to have my heart broken seven times before I find Mr. Not-Too-Bad-If-You-Squint (I’ve given up hope on Mr. Right). Well, if I count the men that I’ve actually shed REAL TEARS over the list is as follows: Matt Pond, Chase Crawford, Arch Sites, Daniel Roots, Brian Passey and Pablo Garcia (two foreign, four domestic). That’s only six. Unless I’m missing someone I cried over and don’t remember…or unless the movie star I cried over once counts, but I doubt it. So…now I’m wondering if she meant that number SEVEN was the good one, or if I have to cry over number SEVEN as well. I don’t know. I’d get a second opinion if palm readers weren’t such flakes. I don’t trust the opinion of the first one, but it’s all I’ve got to go on. There are some other guys in between that I didn’t cry over, but I figured real tears constitute heartbreak…as per the rules of the palm reader. Well, now THAT’S something to go to therapy for!

I don’t actually owe you a letter. I just love writing letters…and with email and such now, real letters are a rare occasion. SO, here’s me, just typing away enjoying the sound of the keys clicking under my fingers. Mmm…I wish I had a HoHo to make the situation complete.

Well, that’s all. Have a GREAT day!
Maaike

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