Then The Letting Go…

(A short bit of fiction from inside my brain: Both parts are played by me, and neither part is 100% true.)

“It was a strange feeling,” she explained. “I’d searched for it for so long. I was so in love with him for so long.”

“What happened?” I asked.

“He came up to me today and he said that he wanted to give it a try…he wanted to try being my boyfriend.”

“That’s great!” I shouted (being one who has always wanted to know what it’s like to have a guy take that kind of chance with me). “Then what happened?”

“I walked away.” There was a pause while I waited for some kind of explanation. I was so confused by her choice. Did I even hear it correctly? She saw my hesitation and continued. “I walked away from him.”

“Why?” My heart was breaking and it wasn’t even my heart on the line.

“I think…well…it’s going to sound really weird…I think that I like being in one-way love. I think I’m happier when I like someone and they don’t like me back…then I can be miserable for a reason.”

“He’s great, though. You’re both so good for each other. Why not give him a chance! He’s great.”

“I know,” she said, “but what if I get together with him and discover that I’m still miserable.”

“What? Why would you be?”

“I kind of feel like I deserve to be miserable. All the mistakes I’ve made. What if I make him miserable, too?”

I was so confused. What was she saying? Why would someone (who has searched for love as long as I have) not take the chance when it was right in front of her. “What if he takes away your misery? I mean, I admire your strength to recognize these things about yourself and all…but, as someone who is always in the ‘unrequited’ category of love, I just have to ask why you won’t give him a chance. Can't you talk to him and work this out together? I mean, If it were me, I’d say yes in a second.”

“You know,” she said with a sad smile, “if he’d have asked me yesterday to be his girlfriend, I would have said ‘yes’, but last night…last night…I let go.”

(Title from "The Mountain Goats")