Friday, January 18, 2008

Bad Dreams Won't Leave Me

Last night I had another dream in which everyone I love has abandoned me. This time I was the queen of some country and my brother, Brian, was out in outer space flying some secret mission. Everyone I turned to wouldn't give me any comfort over the fact that we hadn't heard anything from him. I was the most important woman in this country, but no one would give me information.

This is a variation on a theme that has been creeping into my dreams for about two weeks now. Every night I dream some version of the people I love going away never to return. Sometimes they leave en masse and I am just left behind. No one turns their heads back to even see me standing there.

Some people don't actively leave me, they do so passively by NOT coming to my aid or by pretending they didn't see me. Sometimes the dreams are futuristic. Sometimes the world looks like ours today. But no matter the situation they all end the same: I am crying out for help and NO ONE is coming to my aid.

I'm trying to figure out the origin of these dreams. I've done the feng shui thing of clearing everything out from under my bed. I've have good days. Honestly. I'm busy, but I'm not overwhelmed or frustrated by too much to do. Things haven't been bad in my real life. I haven't been reading anything unusual before I go to sleep and I've run out of time for much television. Mostly I watch Jeopardy! and that's it.

The only source I can identify is the build up of stress in my body. Mainly located in my neck and shoulders. There is so much tension built up that I can't even lift weights to do my upper-body strength exercises because my shoulder ACHES so badly. I've tried heating pad and standing under hot water in my shower. I've tried ibuprofen and the like.

I hope this is the cause and when I can find someone to massage my aches out of me (sometime in February one of my cast members said he'd help) I can get away from these terrible dreams. I am so tired of being abandoned by those I love. Even though it only happened in a dream, our bodies can't tell the difference between dreamed emotions and real ones and it's so hard every morning to re-convince myself that those I love are still here.

At least I hope you are.

4 comments:

Pickle'sMom said...

I'm here, Crackhead.

Brian Davidson said...

I'm still here, El Guapo.

Remember it's best not to read too much into your dreams. I had a dream last night that Michelle, the family and I were taking a bicycle road trip through Missouri. We were all riding the same bike. Our GPS told us to turn one direction, so we did, and ende dup on a reall bumpy road that was under construction. We decided we'd had enough of the road so we went into a house we found. The little old lady who lived there was a bit nervous to have us there at first -- we just barged in and started cleaning our socks in the sink. But then she warmed up to us and tried to feed us a lot of food. She was trying to get us to take an enormous pineapple upside-down cake on our bike with us when the alarm went off and we had to get up (in reality, this time) to get Liam to school.

Sally said...

Go talk to Jamie about these. The stuff we did in class was a way to handle it artistically, but recurring themes mean your psyche is trying to tell you something, and it may not be what it seems to be on the surface. I know she'd love to hear from you.

martin said...

Hi Maaike,
I'm an British nutcase who has the pleasure of knowing Brian, Michelle, Liam,and Moki. I wouldn't take anything he says too seriously. He's got a very warped sense of humour which I suspect affects his dreams.

Personally, I just tend to think of dreams as a nightly hard drive de-frag. The brain takes the opportunity to sort out everything that's there, and the stuff which is newest and occurs more frequently is most in need of a de-frag. I suppose I mean that when you dream, the content of your dreams are probably things which are were in the front of your mind, but the actual dream may have no meaning at all, except that the newer, more thought-about stuff gets the program's major attention. I think that the contents of your dreams probably have no hidden message from your psyche, but just reflect your normal concerns. It's just very distressing sometimes when the brain keeps dragging them up, when it's sorting itself out. How you feel when you're awake has enough meaning in itself. Some dreams drive me nuts, but that's because some of my daytime thoughts drive me nuts too!

Sorry, Maaike. I've never, ever commented on a blog before. So,I have no idea how to do it. I hope you don't mind me experimenting. I think we can blame Brian. His mascot is just SO disgusting! If I've mucked up, I'm sorry. Also, don't worry - I'm half a planet away!

Take care

Martin