Last night I had another dream in which everyone I love has abandoned me. This time I was the queen of some country and my brother, Brian, was out in outer space flying some secret mission. Everyone I turned to wouldn't give me any comfort over the fact that we hadn't heard anything from him. I was the most important woman in this country, but no one would give me information.
This is a variation on a theme that has been creeping into my dreams for about two weeks now. Every night I dream some version of the people I love going away never to return. Sometimes they leave en masse and I am just left behind. No one turns their heads back to even see me standing there.
Some people don't actively leave me, they do so passively by NOT coming to my aid or by pretending they didn't see me. Sometimes the dreams are futuristic. Sometimes the world looks like ours today. But no matter the situation they all end the same: I am crying out for help and NO ONE is coming to my aid.
I'm trying to figure out the origin of these dreams. I've done the feng shui thing of clearing everything out from under my bed. I've have good days. Honestly. I'm busy, but I'm not overwhelmed or frustrated by too much to do. Things haven't been bad in my real life. I haven't been reading anything unusual before I go to sleep and I've run out of time for much television. Mostly I watch Jeopardy! and that's it.
The only source I can identify is the build up of stress in my body. Mainly located in my neck and shoulders. There is so much tension built up that I can't even lift weights to do my upper-body strength exercises because my shoulder ACHES so badly. I've tried heating pad and standing under hot water in my shower. I've tried ibuprofen and the like.
I hope this is the cause and when I can find someone to massage my aches out of me (sometime in February one of my cast members said he'd help) I can get away from these terrible dreams. I am so tired of being abandoned by those I love. Even though it only happened in a dream, our bodies can't tell the difference between dreamed emotions and real ones and it's so hard every morning to re-convince myself that those I love are still here.
At least I hope you are.