There’s a part on the movie Drop Dead Fred when Fred hits Lizzie in the face with a shovel while shouting, “Get happy!” because her depression has brought him back into her life. That’s what I feel like the world does to me when I am struggling with depression…they hit me in the face with a shovel and tell me to “Get happy.”
If only it were that easy.
Tonight I asked my friend Daniel if I could trade brains with him for the rest of the weekend so that I could have a normal brain. I promised him all the change in my purse (27 cents) if he’d trade. He said he would, but it was impossible to do. I told him that it wasn’t impossible; all we needed was a Vulcan. I don’t know any though, so I still have my brain.
I talked for a while, almost cried twice, and talked some more. Then he said, “Is it okay that I don’t know what to say?”
“Of course. I just need you to be here, to listen to me. I don’t need clichés or cures.”
What I really need is someone who won’t run away when my crazy comes to the surface. I spend a great deal of time helping other people with depression, but some days I can’t do it for myself. I take my pills, I drink my Dr. Pepper, I try to get outside into the sun, or find things to keep me busy, and all my usual cures for my depression. But eventually I’ll get to a point where I just need someone else to step in. I would love it if he could hold me in his arms…let me feel safe for a few minutes, but it’s not in his nature, I suppose, to comfort me like that. I think one of the greatest aids in my moments of depression is human contact.
So to all of you out there who have friends or family members who suffer from depression: Don’t be afraid to take that person in your arms, let them rant, let them talk, let them cry…and let them feel your arms around them as someone who will be there for them in the bad moments as well as the good.
To my friends who have comforted me: Thank you for your patience. Thank you for your time. Thank you for not giving up on me or letting me give up on myself. I love you all very much.