I Think I’d Rather Be Boiled Alive in a Vat of Wildebeest Urine.

Strange title you might think. You’d be right. Sort of.

Envelope 6 of 17 has arrived today from my friend Christina (Bobina-Yolanda-Hoop). It is brilliant! I have to admit that thinking of a title for this entry was rather difficult. She sent so many beautiful quotes (like the one in the title from Chef)! Here’s a sample:

But that was during the war when sushi was called “liberty lox”. Grandpa Simpson

Didn’t Jesus also say “Blessed are those who pull themselves up they their own bootstraps”? Stephen Colbert

If you really love him, you’ll rip his heart out in person. Drew Carey

You are not in charge of how big a wuss I am! Malcolm in the Middle

There are many, many more, but that’s a beautiful sample.

My favorite quote, however, is a Christina original. It was written on an origami figure she made for me: Supposed to be a monkey, looks like a sloth.

Thank you, Christina! You have made a very exciting envelope for me! I do have to ask, however, what was the option to being “boiled alive in a vat of wildebeest urine”?

I miss you, Sugar Mama!

Christina moved to Seattle. I blame Nathan. He took her. He’s a good guy, don’t get me wrong, and I totally understand why Christina would move to Seattle with Nathan and not stay here in Moscow with me. But I have to say, that “I missed you, Mama!”

Last Thanksgiving when Daniel and I stayed with them when we went to see The Decemberists, D and I took a break from each other. He stayed with his brother and I stayed with Christina (Bobina Yolanda Hoop). Well, when Christina and I were in a fast food Mexican restaurant (one of our favorite kinds) she decided to buy me lunch. I don’t remember how the entire conversation went, but it ended with Christina calling herself my Sugar Mama and totally freaking out the guy behind the counter. HA!

Christina and I quote Eddie Izzard to each other all the time. And she knew we were destined to be friends when I started singing “You look easy and willing to put out, so roll in the cream cheese, roll in the cream cheese!” And I knew we were destined to be friends when she shouted, “I know where that comes from!”

When we get together we don’t have to explain ourselves. So, my friend Christina, I say here to you: I have invented a maneuver…

And here’s a question for the rest of you to ponder: Is it bad for people with severe peanut allergies to think about Jimmy Carter?