A Distorted Reality is now a Necessity

Dan has moved away. He’s not all the way away, but he’s on the road. That counts.

• He taught me to keep plants alive and to love growing veggies and herbs.
• He taught me about pop-punk music and how to be a DJ although I’m still chicken to talk into the microphone.
• He taught me to skateboard.
• He taught me to let go of some of the old things I’d been holding on to.
• He taught me to voice some doubts about life because there may be others who need someone to say it.
• He gave me his time, his laughter, his love.

Thank you my friend. Good Luck. And, to quote the 80’s band Simple Minds: Don’t you forget about me…

The Return of the Grievous Angel

The joy in your voice was nothing compared to that of your eyes. Dark eyes I'd seen filled with tears that you were never ashamed of, now filled with such happiness as I'd never seen in you before.

You described her dark hair and beautiful eyes with more clarity than I'd ever heard you speak. You didn't search for words, they were all right there at your brilliant disposal.

Caught completely unaware by the fact that you still have power to break my heart, I listened and forced a smile on my face. Concentrating completely on keeping the tears from my eyes I responded positively to your earnest happiness.

Your happiness was, after all, my greatest desire.

WAKE TO BELIEVE by Liz Durrett

Round, round goes the clock
My panic sounds like tick-tock
Night, oh night, move on
Your clutch is much too strong

Go ten hungry hawks
Around our heads just as my thoughts
Dive down, down, down, down
I call and call and call them off
Then wake to believe
They're all inside, inside of me
Each beat of their wings
Is all inside me

Mind, mind let me go
Your prison is all I'll know
Shroud, oh shroud please fall
Just cover and cloak it all

Go ten hungry hawks
Around our heads just as my thoughts
Dive down, down, down, down
I call and call and call them off
Then wake to believe
They're all inside, inside of me
Each beat of their wings
Is all inside me
Round, round goes the clock

A Short History of Nearly Nothing

Why can't all of our decisions be between good and evil? It would be so much easier to choose. Should I tell the truth and let world peace reign or should I lie and watch the fires burn? See, easy.

Mostly our decisions are things like: Should I go to the concert with Dan or should I stay home and work on crafts. That's not an earth-shattering decision but it was one that took me ALL DAY to decide.

"Why?" you ask. Because of so many things 1) Dan is leaving and I want to spent as much time with him as I can BUT 2) I don't like live concerts because it makes my brain scream (because of my ear problems) BUT 3) I've ditched him so many times that I hate to ditch him again, BUT 4) I'm not really interested in the band. BUT 5) Soon I won't be invited by Dan to anything because we'll be in different states, BUT 6) I've had a hella long week.

It goes on.

Finally I decided to stay home, so I called Dan and told him. Then I spent the next hour wondering if I made a good decision and if I should change my mind and meet him at the concert.

This is a daily occurrence with me. I feel like those little kids who don't want to go to bed because they're afraid they're going to miss something but the adults just do boring stuff. Decisions are hard for me. Just ask Dan about when he asked me to go camping.