Conjectures of a Guilty Bystander

Sometimes my head gets too full of stuff. Sometimes I think the only way to get it out is to scream or cry or else I'll just go crazy because I can't get the stuff out of my head.

I wait to be rescued but no one comes. No one comes because they don't know I need to be rescued or they don't believe in rescuing the "big" girl. I search for outlets for my brain crowd but no one is available because of their own crowd.

Sometimes I want to scream until someone comes and locks me up. Feeds me jell-o. Gives me crayons and tells me to draw what's frightening me.

Sometimes I want to cry to see if someone, anyone, will come wrap his arms around me and tell me that he is there for me, no matter what.

If I told you I was in pain, would you come to me? Would you have time for me? Sometimes I'd like to find out just who would come to my rescue. But most of the time I just go to sleep...everything will be better in the morning.

Love & Mathematics

Last night I had two dreams. In the first one I was loved by a king. The king was kind and good to his people and everyone loved him and all the girls wanted to be with him, but he loved me, and was in love with me, and liked everything about me.

In my second dream I was loved by a criminal. Everyone despised him and thought he should be behind bars. But he loved me, and was in love with me, and liked everything about me.

While the King and the Criminal were wildly different in nature the love I felt from both of them was exactly the same. The king loved me. The criminal loved me. I was safe inside of both of their arms and felt their love for me and didn’t doubt it.

Granted…it may have helped that both the King and the Criminal were played by Henry Ian Cusick.