Tuesday, January 05, 2010

The Quiet Things That No One Ever Knows

Somewhere I read that it is not our weaknesses that frighten us, but our strengths.

What a silly thing to fear. Why would I be afraid of what I can accomplish?

Tonight, however, I discovered that I am hiding from my strengths.

I am strong enough to live a life as a single woman. I just don’t want to. But what if it is some sort of calling for me to be an example of single-strength? Still, I don’t want it. Wouldn't it be better if there were someone beside me to encourage me to go forward? Why must I be my own (and often only) cheering section?

I am strong enough to have a great career, but I’m happy to live—as the vast majority—in mediocrity. I’m comfortable there. Why put in any greater effort? Besides, the saying goes that we are inevitably raised to our level of incompetency. What if I reach that level and realize that I am a great nothing? I can get the degree I want, and I can find a job that will allow me to accomplish what I've been dreaming. But what if I try really hard and people laugh at me? What if I put in great effort and am still rejected by those I so want to impress?

I am strong enough to make changes in the world, but what if I put all that effort into it and no one notices?

Strength to be. Strength to achieve. Strength to help others.

Why am I so afraid to try?


Mister Fweem said...

The only thing I can say is laugh, clown, laugh. That's what I did when I figured out after years of training and years in the industry the last thing in the world I wanted to be was a newspaper journalist.

Missy G said...

I say do it. I think it would be SO AWESOME to one day see your name in lights (or wherever your great career will take you) and be able to say that you taught my RS lessons for a little while and I have always loved and admired you from afar (and I say afar because we never really became that close, but I still adore you!).

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