Wednesday, February 13, 2008

Nicole Hates Valentine's Day More Than You

With the inevitable arrival of Valentine's Day and the subsequent distress it always brings; I decided to take a really close look at my "romantic life" as it was/is/WTF. I added it up today. Didn't take too long but I did it carefully because I wanted an accurate count. Here's the details:

I have been asked on 12 dates in my entire life.

8 of them I actually went on.

4 of them I did not.
a: because it was the weird guy at work that asked out everyone.
b: because it was the guy that had just broken the heart of a girl I knew
c & d: because I was a missionary for my church at the time.

Yes. Isn't that a great statistic. 12 dates in 22 years of dating eligibility. I've never had a boyfriend. I had a great relationship with a beautiful man when we were both missionaries, but we never "dated." Then an incredibly weird relationship with Lord Voldemort's Evil Twin in which the man destroyed my already shaky self-esteem with a lot of emotional (and some physical) abuse. That's not a boyfriend.

While watching Scrubs tonight I realized that I am just as crazy as Elliot, only since I'm not "hot" no man is willing to even try to get through the crazy to the creamy center.

And someone is going to tell me to not give up's two fingers to you and to hope. May you both rest in peace.



Brian said...

Nicole, it is a good thing that I didn't know he was abusing you. I would have gotten out the cheese grater for castration purposes.

Remember, you are loved by many and especially by me!
Have a good anti-Valentines day.

Pickle'sMom said...

I was going to call you this morning and tell you how much I love you, but I didn't want you to eat my face off...I will just make sure to say it every OTHER day.

So.....I don't love you!

But I think I might love your brother, cuz he is awesome.