Birthday Eulogy Winner

This is me being 40. I don't have my glasses on. They were sucked into a wormhole. (Dan is laughing the rest of you have no idea what I'm talking about. But you're probably used to that.)

Thank you to my birthday eulogy contest entrants! You helped make my birthday GREAT! Thanks to Christina C. (who made me laugh SO HARD), David A. (Thanks, Dav!), Emily H. (Beautiful woman!), Kara Davidson (no relation) and my family member entries: Brian and Michelle.

The winner was Danny Mildew who wrote and recorded a pop punk song:

Maaike Davidson (R.I.P.)
by Dan Murphy

She was the beautiful, talented, Maaike Davidson
She was generous, hilarious, one of my best friends
She made me feel like a million bucks
Even though I really suck
Maaike Davidson

She loved making crafts, writing plays, Maaike Davidson
She loved action flicks and science fiction, British pop rock songs
She really was one helluva teacher
You really missed out if you didn't meet her
Maaike Davidson

She wanted to go to Borneo to save the orangutans
She wanted to be a monkey when she finally grew up one day
Her dad was from Holland
Her mom she was callin'
And now she gets to be with them
In the great beyond
Where she has gone
Maaike Davidson

She was the beautiful, talented, Maaike Davidson
She was generous, hilarious, one of my best friends
I hope that she now rests in peace
With all her favorite celebrities
Maaike Davidson

When I catch myself singing it, it fills me with self esteem!! I love singing to myself that I am beautiful and talented. Thanks to those who voted: "Stache," Marie, Beth, Lewie, Kylie, Ted, Hyrum, Kara D., Kara S., Logan, Nicole, and Emily. And a special thanks to everyone who made my birthday such a fun and memorable one!! I love you all!!

40...where is thy sting?

Today is my 40th birthday. Guess what...it ROCKS!! I thought I'd hate turning 40, but I'm having an amazingly good day. What makes the difference? Good friends, good family, and learning to laugh.

I've gotten tons of well-wishes on Facebook, through emails, and text messages. I woke up to a bunch of chocolate chip cookies and two big ones made into a 40 for me. (With a note that it's perfectly acceptable to eat cookies for breakfast on a birthday.) I've gotten random presents (bunny ears, a Queers pin, a magazine for making crafts, and some always welcome cash!) beautiful and funny cards, and a bevy of eulogies.

Tonight friends who are in town will drop by for a cupcake. They get to vote on the eulogies I've received and the winner gets a prize. Then I'll collect them all into a zine and send them out for everyone to read.

I was so sure that 40 was going to suck. But it doesn't. I'm happier than I have been in a while; I know what direction my life is going in. I'm happy as myself.

It took me a few years to get here...but I'm more aware of who I am than I have ever been.

I like it.

Ballad of the Lonely Argonaut

So...I've decided to go for a doctorate degree.

First step, paperwork.
Second step, GRE.
Third step, interviews.

I'm on the paperwork part, hunting down who gets what. Then I've got to find my three references and go to a few meetings to get to know some people.

My GRE is scheduled for January 7th. I hope I only have to take it once. (Amazon is sending me a book that Dan recommended for me.)

Ok, I'll keep you all up dated. I guess if I know what's happening it's only fair to let you know.

All Hail Queen Schmooquan!!

Please welcome Queen Schmooquan!!

This is the kitty I got from the Humane Society. She is a little kitty with big eyes and big paws.

Her name at the Humane Society was Dione but I changed it to Queen Schmooquan--or Schmoo--for short. (I got the name from one of Goat Girl's other pseudonyms. I love her song "What do you think of me?" and I was singing it as I drove around town that day. Then I thought that Queen Schmooquan would make a great name for a cat.)

Anyway, this is the first pet that's all mine. I've never had my own pet before! I grew up with tons of family pets, but she is my first own kitty!! This morning I realized just how much I love this new kitty. And guess what...I think she loves me too!

The Grave by Susan Enan

All of your work won’t fit in the earth
When you’re lying underground in the grave
Whatever a man in your balance can
There’s nothing you can buy in the grave

In the next age no stock exchange
Is gonna pass on the money we made
No lottery wins, political spins,
When were lying underground in the grave

New surgery defies gravity
But it all falls away in the grave
And who’s gonna care what color you wear
There’s no fashion show in the grave

So swallow it down
No easy way round
Just a hill for the thrills that we crave
But no medicine to stop kingdom come
It’s your time get in line for the grave

And we’ll all be the same
And we’ll go as we came
Side by side as we lie in the grave
We’ll all be the same
We’ll go as we came
Side by side as we lie in the grave.

In The Throes of Giving Up

Want to break free but don’t remember how—can’t remember the steps. Gave everything away last time and have no energy left to pour into a new friendship.

So tired. Don’t think anyone understands. SO tired.

Sitting here crying out for someone to talk with…but there isn’t anyone. Nobody strong enough I suppose. There are a few I could call on, but none really willing to listen. None willing to really listen…they all looked like strong enough hands in the beginning. Suppose I could find a professional to listen. But then what? What about the next time? Eighty bucks a shot for a listening ear? Isn’t that what we make friends for in the first place?

Can’t make new friends. Too tired. So many years of making new friends and so many years of watching them slowly walk away. Not their faults…life moves on for them. So jealous of that. Their lives move on.

So tired. I’m just so tired.

My New Hollywood Crush

This is Misha Collins. He plays Castiel on "Supernatural." He is my new Hollywood crush. I don't have a "real life" crush.

The blue shirt picture is Misha, and then the other one is him in character as Castiel.

I think I'm in love with Castiel because I like damaged guys. Why not, monkey likes monkey company. But I do have to say: mmmmm.